Wanting More: Happy and Mushy Thoughts on A Grey Cloud

I was watching this Toni Gonzaga (who plays the character, Moe) movie on local television (yes, I watch too…sometimes.), You Got Me. She worked as a local police woman in a police station (duh) with her Dad, who was a police man too. Well, I’m not really interested with Toni nor Sam Milby or anything. It’s just that, oddly enough, I found myself crying when I watched the part where she danced with his dad… not ‘cause it’s dramatic or anything- it’s actually something that’ll just make you go ‘aww’…it’s just because I’ve watched this movie before and his dad eventually died, just shortly after that, when a coconut fell on him while he was pissing. (i'm serious about this story. i swear) It’s supposed to be funny right?

But God, it tore my heart to pieces…and it was sort of like having a wound and then you pour freshly squeezed calamansi over it. It felt like THAT.

I give such a huge deal to it because I realized that it meant every person dear to us should never be taken for granted because we’ll never know how, when nor why they’ll be taken away from us. We have to take every bit of time like precious money, spend it wisely. Well, it’s not the money that really matters; it’s what it can give you. Same as time.

my very goofy family.

I realized I had to save time, and I mean lots of it. I can’t spend the rest of my life saving up just for my own future nor for mere everyday expenses. Technically, I can live with the simple house or car- I can live with the simple life. But I can’t live my life knowing I didn’t give my family their dreams- and I know that dreams are never really simple.

Dad and our baby chowchow, Xavier

My parents, or just like any other father or mother aim for one thing: to give their children the best future. If you fear of making a bad decision- our parents probably have a gazillions times more fear than you have. And sometimes, they may not mean to do it, but they end up manipulating everything just to make sure you don’t end up getting hurt. We can never blame them for this. It’s not a matter of them not trusting you and your decisions or your capabilities. That’s Parenting 101. That’s love.

My techie mudra playing tetris

But I love them too. That’s why sometimes, I have to know more than being safe. I have to know where I can give back. I have to know how I can spend more time with them and give their dreams as well. I knew i had to do something else. Is it too much to ask for? Or is it something everyone has been meaning to ask? Is it just too good to have?

But then again, wanting something so bad, I’m more than willing to take the risks. It’s just too good to let pass.

In the movie, Moe spent her whole Christmas and New Year crying over the death of her dad. Well, I’d have to say, who wouldn’t right? But I think, it would have made herself feel a little better if she was given the opportunity to give back to her dad who took care of her all by himself when Moe's mom died. After all, it’s hard to find someone so dear even if we forage over the universe. There’s just one family who will treat you the way a family treats a member. Even if we have a broken family, or the worse family one could ever imagine, this is a big part of what makes us human. And no matter how imperfect our families could be (and, who’s family isn’t imperfect right?), I don’t think anybody would (nor should) trade for another.

And if that would be the case, is it bad to want to give more?

A lot of people would most probably contradict me. That we should not be too worldly, that it’s good to live simply; that we should be contented with what we already have. Well, I wouldn’t argue with being thankful with what we have because no matter how small we think we have, there will always be people who’ll think you have ginormous stuff compared to what they have. Nor would I argue that we should not be too worldly, too absorbed with the material things. There will always be a person who would have different ideas and that’s what makes this world a good place to live in, so diverse and rich.

photo by Ms. Carla Espinosa

But, I believe too that the generous God did not make the Earth so beautiful just to be seen in postcards or in television. I also believe that He did not give us such a rich world just to be looked at, nor to be ignored. There, too, is a reason why everyone has their own set of left and right brain hemispheres. Lastly, there is a reason why we can see and we can create. And I think, it is worse to ignore our capabilities and our blessings… especially if your reason to use these opportunities or capabilities is to provide, not just for yourself, but for people dear to you. A narrow minded person will always see this as wanting to have more. But it's not always having more, it's being able to give more. And it's not about what you have, it's about how it makes you feel. And even if you are one who don't believe in a Provider nor God, I still think the same idea applies.


Something exists for a reason. Everything happens for a reason.

After all, there is nothing we should all do but to do everything for and with love.

and i'd want to stick with the idea that wanting and working to have a better peek at life is better than wasting my time doing something else...like arguing with equally-bored-hatred-struck people, right? definitely.

/cc