'Sky is grey, sky is grey but i'm dancing in the rain.' -The Story, by Zee Avi
Around ten to twelve years rewind, i grew up throwing dried up rice stalks or what we call 'dayami' to my older sisters and cousins, running around mud and rain, shooting up with spit-wetted-paper and cooking slugs for playtime. I must say
i had a great childhood. Shallow as a lot of kids nowadays may see this, but this environment was probably the reason why it's hard to choose what i'd want to be as an adult; not because the society would hate me (like the dramatic and already typical 'me against the world thing' ) but because, there's just a lot of possibilities to choose from.
...as a JOURNALIST.
Neighbors are scared of our home because, well, technically, it's an old spanish-y-renovated home which looks scary especially at dawn. :D As a little kid, i never really saw their point. The only scary thing about our home for me back then was the wooden stairway because upstairs, it's full of all things old- books, clothes, chairs, beds, closets- i mean, you get it, right? But a curious little tomboy like me couldn't resist old things, especially the thought of using the old lamp shade that clicks. So i gathered enough guts to climb alone and look at the old world secured upstairs.
well actually, it wasn't that scary for me. i started reading those weird pocketbooks my sisters used to read which i didn't understand at first. The pocketbooks consisted of old cook books, sweet valley high pocketbooks (oh, highschool...so that's why it's weird), nancy drew stuff, old bibles, magazines and books from othello, shakespeare and all those authors i never really knew. (i'm an eight year old, for pete's sake!)
But, my fascination for old things gave me this bright idea- that i could still savor what history had even if i wasn't there first hand. AND for this same reason, i can do the same thing for the people in the future through writing and through pictures.
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so, when i reached gradeschool, i never really understood what i was doing but i went to journalism contests (just because my bestfriend was there too, no other reason :p) and wrote articles. But, believe it or not, for years 'til highschool, the contest concept was always about our moms. Well, there was one time when the contest required us to write about our hero but i still wrote about mom and i won. again. Not that i'm fed up or anything, but it's just weird. But then again, i continued writing essays and articles 'til i reached highschool. *During our english and filipino writing classes, i'm the only student who says YAY! when the teacher asks us to write essays.
me at powerbooks (my paradise) before the guards caught me. haha kidding.
When i reached college, i only had time to write when we were required to write essays for Filipino and english subjects. One time, i wrote an essay for our psychology class and it was my first time to recieve a score of 3 out of ten! (i usually get perfect scores for essays) It was devastating. I had to drink coffee alone because i was too sore to talk about it to anyone. It was a little OA, well, i have to admit that, but it's so heartbreaking to suck at something you're supposed to be good at. (but later on, i had to admit to myself that my flair for writing couldn't cover for the fact that i didn't study my psych notes so i didn't know what i was supposed to write.)
But then again, this love for writing about the past and things that'll soon be part of the past could not be tamed. I may not be part of history, but i'll write about it- that way, i'll be part of it.
...as a MUSICIAN.
I remember weekend mornings where i'd wake up with my grandpa's old stereo playing cassette tapes from James Taylor, The Carpenters, Abba, The Eagles...which is just mostly the music of 60's to 80's. I remember one particular day where my sisters and I started dancing and singing along a song and i had no idea what i was saying because the lyrics...well...i didn't understand a thing. But, i grew up with such good and old songs that 'til now, i just can't learn to love new songs the way i loved the old songs i grew up with. (talk about dwelling. haha)
So, i started singing along old songs (using my own lyrics which mostly consisted of babbles and a lot of lalala) and people at home would clap and say stuff that was supposed to make my self esteem better. But the thing is, it's just not like the usual 'my mom heard me sing and from then on she knew i'd be a great singer'- no it wasn't like that at all. I don't think they really saw me as a singer. Then one day, a classmate in gradeschool told me i have this nice voice. I was pretty much flattered that i started imitating lea salonga (which sucked, by the way. my voice just didn't sound like her. i sounded like a dying goat) and she was like, 'why do you sound and look like that when you're singing? it's different'. well, she should've just said 'you look and sound weird. please stop.'
but hey, that didn't stop me from singing my heart out. actually, my family didn't know i could sing until my gradeschool teacher told them i could.
My favorite memory would be me singing Perhaps love by Jose Mari Chan and dad playing his guitar. Mom and my sibs would be silently listening (and my youngest sibling would be teasing me about looking weird while singing and i'd burst out of laughter) i wonder when that'll happen again...
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*now, i sing in the shower on a daily basis. when i was about 8 years old, i tried singing in the tiolet-
and i realized 2 things 1) it's a good thing i didn't get suffocated, 2) it's just weird.
I've always wondered how things would turn out if i just became a musician, playing my guitar a la Zee Avi or Sara Bareilles or Regina Spektor. AHHHHHHMAZING. But still, i have my reasons. I'm still developing my confidence. Whenever my friends ask me to sing at a particular coffee shop in Baguio (which i'm so inlove with, btw), it still takes them half an hour to convince me to sing on the stage with the band. This happens all the time.
me singing at kaffee klatsch
anyway, back in college, my prof would ask the whole class to stare at me 'til i turn beet red and just start singing. (i hate being stared at, it's like you're killing me!) ah, memories. gotta love 'em, right? But it was college where i really developed this dream of becoming a musician. And though unintentional, i kept looking for old songs and artists with old-soul-ish and eclectic music which are just easy on the ears (and not the kind where i have to slit my throat just to sing it)- probably the kind of music which reminds people of road trips, summer sun and rain. (say, awww)
songs i listen to recently are from the three artists i mentioned earlier (Regina Spektor,etc.) , plus Sitti, John Legend, Nora Jones and Justin Beiber. HAHAHA kidding. I love the script...it's the script, not justin beiber. q: My all time favorite will still be The Carpenters, Beatles (for the timeless, Black Bird), Stevie Wonder and ABBA.
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i must admit i've always dreamed of singing infront of a crowd not to wow them with my awesomeness (Uh, yay?) but because i want to see people get inspired because of my music. And, I want people to love jazz. They just have to. I don't even know why when the only people i know of Jazz are Nora Jones and John McLaughlin.
...as an ECO PERSON/TRAVELER.
When they ask me what i want for my birthday or an any-occasion-gift, they make me choose between iPads, celfones, clothes and all those stuff, and people would hit me in the head when they hear me say no.
But, growing up in the fields, i never really found myself yearning for gadgets. Hey, i'm not saying i don't need them, right? We need them. (i'm sort of the 'athiest' of gadgets q: if there's anything like that)
Gadgets are afterall, made because people saw the need to have them. But as a kid, i'd always choose get-aways and road-trips over new toys, probably because when i ask for something, my dad (the genius) would always find a way to make me want the get-away more than the toy. at first, i thought he was just trying to be money-savvy but now, i realize it's actually more grand...and definitely worth the money.
a family we helped back in college.
at Bolinao Beach.
a shot from the mountains of Buguias.
the 2nd guy from left is the guy i'll be talking about later.
I've scene places I can never ever trade for anything- thinking about it gives me the chills. I remember our family trip to Banawe Rice terraces and it was breath taking. But looking at a recent photograph taken by my dad, it's just not the same anymore. Which is alarming because this means i have to start travelling now before every good spot becomes a parking space or a building.
In college, we'd go to mountains to give health assistance and education to remote areas and i'd always hit my guy-classmate in the head (sorry) for throwing plastic/foils of his chips and candies (see above picture). it's downright annoying. People complain of floods and all sorts of disasters and yet, they keep doing what they're doing when they're very aware and obvious that polluting this earth causes it. #killmenow
My bestfriend would always complain about me having all sorts of papers, packets, foils, etc. in my bag. he says it's 1) disgusting and 2) weird. But i'd always defend myself that it's better to throw 'em in my bag and empty it later at home than to throw everything in streets.
*my bestfriend. yes, we pretty much argue like this.
There are people who are clean with themselves and yet, trash the rest of the world- i think they're the dirtiest creatures on earth.
But anyway, let's just love the world and travel. God made the world beautiful to be seen first hand, not just on pictures. He wouldn't have made such a marvel just to be kept on one side of the earth, right? nor to be polluted by as*holes.
...as a COFFEE SHOP OWNER.
I started drinking coffee in the year 2007 (yes, i know what you're thinking...laaaate.) and it was such a discovery. Well, honestly, the first coffee i had was an instant coffee- not really the kind of coffee you'll love. But the bitter-sweet taste started a little frenzy and the moment i took a sip from a freshly brewed coffee, it was like SNAP! and i'm addicted.
*But as a little kid, my dad and i used to have this 'table-tradition' where he'd pour some of his sweet coffee over my steamy rice. and until i grew up, i never knew it was coffee.
For me back then, everything brown was hot chocolate/malt.
In Baguio City, our favorite coffee shop would be Kaffee Klatsch (the same coffee shop where my friends and i push each other to sing).
They have amazing (and strong) brews and the place is a real bonus: cozy and it has collections of old cups and old stuff. The bands are amazing too! And i mean, really amazing. At one point, it became a niche for us that it's weird not to go there every night. It inspired me to start something i'm really in love with- Coffee.
According to a book by John Maxwell, i have to focus on a particular gift that gives me more returns. It took me time to really absorb what he said. I was actually devastated first because i thought i had to choose one among the dreams i wanted to pursue.
But the real idea is that, i had to choose what would give me my maximum potential. It's not a limit of dreams, but to focus on something that could give me all my dreams.
After all, we were all given so much- why give back so little? I've always believed that we were given something for a purpose- so that we can give them back. And currently, i'm working on something that'll definitely help me pursue all these dreams while helping other people achieve theirs too.
I'm just so happy with what i have now, but not happy enough to be complacent. Life is just amazing.
God is amazing.
Isn't it just weird that it keeps raining and yet, it's summer?
I'm not really sure but, i guess there's nothing else to do but just dance under what circumstance life's uncertainty brings. We can always question it, but the answer may not always be for us to know. And if that matters, well, all i know is that life matters-
and when we dance under the rain, the grey skies laugh too.
-end-
*did i just end this right? haha. i think i ended it weird.
